Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Lately...


Motherhood is exhausting. It is mind-numbing, hair-pulling, cry-my-eyes-out exhausting.


It is also beautiful, life changing, and the most wonderful job I have ever had. My heart swells when I see Juniper's eyes light up over a favorite book previously forgotten, over the tinkle of bells, and over the sight of my face or Forrest's. Her wobbly steps are getting more bold and her jibber jabber fills the house - even at 6am. She is a light and a joy - as well as a terror. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

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This happened on Saturday...


We have already decided we'll retake the class when it is offered in January. I am hoping that friendly exchanges with other moms will turn into play dates and coffee dates. Plus, Juniper didn't blow one bubble so I think it wouldn't hurt to keep working at it.

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This tea is my new best friend. It is mild and comforting. Sweet but not cloying. A perfect way to end the day cozied up with either a good book or a knitting project (more on the latter later).

Image retrieved from here
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I am lonely. Little things remind me of friendships that are states away - things like Catching Fire and the coming holiday season. Pictures fill my Instagram feed of friends laughing and spending time together and I just keep thinking - I should be there, but I'm here.

I'm trying, I'm really trying to put myself out there and make some gal-pals. But, it's hard, you know? Most of the women I have met are Mormon and I know I could/should get over my fear that somehow they'll convert me but something just holds me back.

We are the youngest couple by about ten years at our church and we love the opportunity to learn and socialize with the wiser and older crowd, but are we sacrificing something by not going to the church that is cool and has people our age? Is Juniper socialized enough by weekly story times and occasional cousin play dates? So many questions, so few answers.

Even though I am lonely, I am not depressed. My marriage gets sweeter every day, my daughter makes me laugh (and cry), friends that are states away pursue me through weekly phone calls and messages, and family is just a Skype call away. This season, this new place is teaching me contentment in all situations and my eyes are opened daily to the blessings present in my life.
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Thank you for listening, for reading. What are some of your lately's?

xo

4 comments:

cheri said...

Oh my gosh...sweet pea is adorable!

One thing that I love about your blog is that you are open and honest about your life. Change is hard! Moving to a place that is so different than what you've had for ten years is an adjustment. You are putting yourself out there and it will pay off. Just hang in there!

tokyotuesday said...

oh my dear friend. You have put in words what I couldn't about the loneliness I have been feeling. I live near my new family and I love them all dearly but nothing can quite compare to dear friendships that I miss and wish were more a part of my daily life here in New York. I would love to have a skype session with you.

elizabeth said...

Thanks, mom! I love you!

elizabeth said...

Wouldn't it be nice if we lived closer? I would love to skype soon! Name the day and time!!!